The wish for children is not shared. One of the two wants it — strongly, as a fundamental life project. The other does not want it, or does not want it now, or is not sure, and that uncertainty is already in itself a distance from the other's project. This divergence is not a temporary difficulty to be overcome — it is a difference of life project that the field must face honestly.
As discussed in the article love binding and an unshared wish for children, the thread does not align a life project.
Divergence of project as a field structure
A divergent life project — such as an unshared wish for children — is not a superficial field structure. It is a deep structure that belongs to the fundamental choices of the individual field — to how a person imagines their own future, to what they value, to how they see themselves in the world.
As discussed in the article the difference between mental image and real person, a person's field is also their structure of values and project — not only their romantic resonances.
What the binding can and cannot do about this divergence
The love binding amplifies the resonances of connection between two people — it does not align their life projects. It cannot make a person who does not want children want them, nor make a person who wants them stop wanting them. These are orientations of the individual deep field that belong to the person's identity — not to structures that can be modified through esoteric work on the connection.
As discussed in the article what the thread is in a love binding, the thread follows correspondences — it does not force the structure of another's field in a direction that finds no support in the person's deep field.
The honest assessment of this situation
As discussed in the article love binding and an honest reading of the facts, an honest assessment includes this dimension. The binding can bring the two fields closer in the dimension of romantic connection — but romantic connection exists within a concrete life, and that concrete life includes the life projects of both.
A rapprochement produced by the binding in the presence of an unresolved divergence of project inevitably leads to having to face that divergence — which the binding has not resolved. An honest assessment includes this perspective.
When the divergence is not absolute
Not every divergence about the wish for children is absolute. In some cases, one person's position — "I do not want children" — is more open than it is stated: it is "I do not want children with this certainty at this moment". In other cases, the position is genuinely final. As discussed in the article the difference between a no and a pause in a love binding, the distinction between a worked-through position and an evolving one matters.
FAQ: frequently asked questions on the binding and an unshared wish for children
Can the binding make them change their mind about children?
As discussed in this article, the binding does not change the deep structures of the person's life project. It amplifies the resonances of connection — but it does not modify the structure of values and fundamental choices of the individual field.
If they come back thanks to the binding, will the divergence about children still be a problem?
As discussed in this article, yes — the binding does not resolve the divergence, it produces the rapprochement. The divergence of project remains and will have to be faced in the concrete reality of the story between the two people.
